Most people do become less narcissistic as they age. A large meta-analysis tracking narcissistic traits from age 8 to 77 found consistent declines across every dimension of narcissism over the lifespan. But “growing out of it” depends heavily on what kind of narcissism you’re talking about, whether it’s a personality style or a clinical disorder, and what life choices a person makes along the way.
Narcissism Naturally Declines With Age
A meta-analytic review of longitudinal studies found that all three major facets of narcissism tend to decrease from childhood through old age. The largest drop was in neurotic narcissism (the reactive, insecure kind), followed by antagonistic narcissism (the entitled, exploitative kind), with the smallest decline in agentic narcissism (the self-promoting, leadership-oriented kind). This pattern holds across studies and across cultures, suggesting it’s a genuine part of psychological maturation rather than a quirk of any one sample.
A study of over 250,000 participants found that the steepest drops happen in young adulthood. By middle age, narcissism levels tend to flatten out. Young adults in their twenties are measurably more narcissistic than 40-year-olds, but the difference between 40-year-olds and 70-year-olds is much smaller. So the window of biggest natural change is roughly the twenties and thirties, when people are transitioning into adult roles and responsibilities.
That said, while the average person becomes less narcissistic, individual differences remain highly stable. Someone who starts out more narcissistic than their peers tends to stay more narcissistic than their peers, even as both groups decline. The rank order doesn’t shuffle much. Think of it like height: everyone grows, but the tallest kid in class is often still among the tallest adults.
Life Events That Accelerate the Decline
Not everyone’s narcissism drops at the same rate, and research from a study tracking people from young adulthood to middle age points to specific life experiences that speed the process. Being in a committed romantic relationship was linked to a larger decrease in vanity, one of the most visible facets of narcissism. Having children showed a similar effect. Both experiences require shifting attention away from yourself and toward someone else’s needs on a daily basis, which appears to erode narcissistic tendencies over time.
Career path mattered too. People who worked in hands-on, practical jobs experienced stronger decreases in overall narcissism, while those in entrepreneurial or leadership-heavy careers saw smaller declines in the leadership-related facet. The researchers concluded that conforming to social roles that demand focusing on others, rather than on self-promotion, is connected to developing into a less narcissistic adult. In short, the experiences that force you to be accountable to other people seem to do some of the work that therapy might otherwise need to do.
Teen Narcissism Is Usually Normal
If you’re wondering about a teenager, the picture is different from adult narcissism. Adolescence naturally involves a spike in self-focus, grandiosity, and sensitivity to how others perceive you. Most teens work through this by gradually separating from their parents while still maintaining good relationships and developing a realistic self-image. They build an internal sense of direction that guides them into adulthood.
Pathological narcissism in adolescence looks qualitatively different. Rather than the normal push-pull of growing independence, these teens lock into an inflated sense of self, refuse to acknowledge any weakness, project their flaws onto others, and insist on constant admiration. The key distinction is rigidity: normal teen narcissism is a phase with movement and flexibility, while pathological narcissism hardens into a fixed pattern. Most teens do grow out of it. A smaller number don’t, and their traits may consolidate into something more lasting.
Clinical Narcissistic Personality Disorder Is Harder to Outgrow
When narcissism crosses the threshold into narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), the question of “growing out of it” becomes more complicated. NPD is diagnosed when narcissistic traits cause significant problems in how a person sees themselves and relates to others, particularly through grandiosity, entitlement, and attention-seeking behavior. The newer diagnostic model emphasizes two core problems: a distorted sense of self (inflated self-importance, fantasies of unlimited success) and impaired relationships (exploitation, lack of empathy, arrogance).
A two-year follow-up study of patients diagnosed with NPD found that 53% no longer met the full diagnostic criteria at reassessment. That’s a meaningful remission rate, but it comes with caveats. No longer meeting the diagnostic threshold doesn’t necessarily mean narcissistic traits disappeared entirely. It means they dropped below the level where they constitute a clinical disorder. Some of those individuals likely still had elevated narcissistic traits compared to the general population.
No psychotherapy or medication for NPD has been tested in a randomized controlled trial, which is the gold standard for proving a treatment works. Several therapeutic approaches exist, including transference-focused psychotherapy and mentalization-based therapy, and smaller studies have documented symptom reduction and improved functioning. These therapies share common elements: clear goals, attention to the therapy relationship, careful work on self-esteem, and building the patient’s ability to reflect on their own patterns. Progress is possible, but it tends to be slow and requires the person to stay engaged in treatment, which is itself a challenge with NPD since acknowledging the need for help conflicts with the disorder’s core features.
The Empathy Problem
One of the defining features of narcissism is difficulty with empathy, and whether this can change is central to the question of growing out of it. Research suggests that narcissistic individuals typically have intact cognitive empathy, meaning they can understand what someone else is feeling and thinking. What’s impaired is emotional empathy: actually feeling moved by another person’s experience. There also appears to be a motivational component. It’s not always that they can’t empathize; sometimes they don’t want to, or they haven’t learned to tolerate the emotional discomfort that empathy requires.
Brain imaging research on related personality disorders shows that therapy can produce measurable changes in how the brain processes emotions. Patients who completed structured therapy showed reduced activity in brain regions associated with emotional reactivity, and these neural changes correlated with real improvements in symptom severity and emotion regulation. While this research focused on borderline personality disorder rather than NPD specifically, it demonstrates that the brain circuits involved in emotional processing and self-regulation are not fixed. They can reorganize in response to sustained therapeutic work.
In clinical practice, building empathy in narcissistic patients involves a careful balance: validating their experience enough that they don’t become defensive, then gently challenging them to consider other perspectives. Distress tolerance skills help, because for many narcissistic individuals, the barrier to empathy isn’t an inability to perceive others’ emotions but an inability to sit with the uncomfortable feelings that come from doing so.
What “Growing Out of It” Actually Looks Like
For most people with narcissistic traits that fall short of a clinical diagnosis, yes, time and life experience will soften those traits. The twenties and thirties are the period of steepest decline, particularly for people who enter committed relationships, raise children, or work in jobs that demand accountability to others. By middle age, the average person is substantially less narcissistic than they were at 20.
For people with diagnosable NPD, the picture is more guarded but not hopeless. About half may no longer meet diagnostic criteria within a few years, and therapy can meaningfully improve functioning and reduce symptoms even when it doesn’t produce a complete transformation. The biggest obstacle is usually the person’s willingness to engage. Narcissism, by its nature, makes it hard to recognize that you have a problem, which means the people most likely to change are those who’ve experienced enough consequences (a failed marriage, lost friendships, career setbacks) to crack open some self-doubt.
The honest answer is that narcissistic traits are among the more stable personality characteristics, but they are not permanent. Biology, relationships, responsibility, and sometimes therapy all push in the direction of change. The degree of change varies enormously from person to person, and full transformation from a deeply narcissistic personality to someone with robust empathy and genuine humility is rare. Meaningful improvement, though, is not.