Sex between women typically involves some combination of oral sex, manual stimulation (fingers and hands), grinding or body-to-body contact, and sex toys. There’s no single script, and what counts as “sex” varies from couple to couple. But the common thread is a strong focus on clitoral stimulation, which is how most women reach orgasm regardless of sexual orientation.
Manual Stimulation
Using fingers and hands on a partner’s vulva, clitoris, and vagina is one of the most common sexual activities between women. It allows precise control over pressure, speed, and angle, which matters because preferences vary widely from person to person. Some women prefer light, circular motions on or around the clitoris. Others prefer firmer, more direct pressure or internal stimulation with one or more fingers. Many enjoy both at the same time.
In research on how women orgasm, clitoral stimulation consistently ranks as the most reliable method. In one large study of 749 women, 94% said clitoral stimulation could bring them to orgasm, and when women masturbate, virtually all of them focus on the clitoris as their primary technique. Manual stimulation between partners mirrors this closely, giving the person on the receiving end a type of touch that’s directly shaped by real-time feedback.
Oral Sex
Oral sex (sometimes called “going down” or cunnilingus) is one of the most frequently practiced activities between female partners. It involves using the mouth, lips, and tongue to stimulate the vulva and clitoris. Because oral sex can deliver consistent, rhythmic pressure at varying intensities, many women find it easier to orgasm from oral sex than from other partnered activities.
Oral sex also plays a role in the so-called “orgasm gap.” A large U.S. study found that lesbian women orgasmed about 75% of the time during sexual encounters, compared to roughly 62% for heterosexual women. Researchers attribute much of this difference to the emphasis women who have sex with women place on clitoral stimulation through oral sex and manual touch, rather than penetration alone.
Tribbing and Body Contact
Tribbing (also called tribadism or “scissoring”) involves two partners pressing or grinding their vulvas against each other’s body, whether that’s a thigh, hip, or directly against each other’s genitals. The rhythmic pressure and friction can stimulate the clitoris effectively, and many women enjoy the full-body closeness this position creates. It doesn’t work for everyone, and finding the right angle can take some experimenting, but it’s a well-known part of the repertoire.
Sex Toys
Vibrators, dildos, strap-ons, and double-ended toys are all commonly used between female partners, though they’re entirely optional. A vibrator applied to the clitoris during partnered sex can intensify stimulation, and many couples incorporate one alongside oral or manual touch.
Strap-ons pair a harness worn around the hips with a dildo, allowing one partner to penetrate the other. Adjustable harnesses that fit different body types and work with interchangeable attachments are widely available. Some strap-on designs also include features that stimulate the wearer. Double-ended dildos are flexible toys designed so both partners can experience penetration simultaneously, often used in face-to-face or side-by-side positions.
Water-based lubricant is recommended with most toys, especially silicone ones, since oil-based products can degrade certain materials. Cleaning toys between uses (and between partners) is important for hygiene, since infections like HPV can persist on shared surfaces.
Communication During Sex
Because there’s no default “script” the way heterosexual sex is often culturally framed, communication tends to play an especially active role in sex between women. Partners frequently guide each other verbally or physically, using short, specific cues: “slower,” “stay right there,” “lighter,” “add more pressure.” Placing your hand over your partner’s to show the pace or angle you prefer is a common, low-pressure way to communicate without breaking the moment.
Some couples use a simple traffic-light system. Green means keep going, yellow means slow down or check in, and red means stop. This can be spoken or signaled with a hand squeeze or tap. Mutual masturbation, where both partners touch themselves while together, is another way to learn what your partner likes by watching their technique, rhythm, and responses firsthand.
Regular check-ins outside the bedroom help too. A brief conversation about what’s been working, what you’d like to try, and what’s off the table keeps both people on the same page, especially after life changes like stress, new medications, or shifts in desire.
STI Risk Between Female Partners
A persistent myth is that women who have sex with women face little or no STI risk. That’s not accurate. While some infections transmit less efficiently between female partners than through penis-in-vagina sex, several are clearly passed between women.
HPV spreads through skin-to-skin contact and is common among women who have sex exclusively with women. In one study, 26% of women with no history of male partners had antibodies to HPV-16 (the strain most linked to cervical cancer), and 42% had antibodies to HPV-6. Abnormal Pap smear results have also been found in women who have never had sex with men. This means regular cervical screening matters regardless of your partner’s gender.
Bacterial vaginosis (BV) is strongly associated with sexual transmission between female partners. Having a new partner, a partner who already has BV, or engaging in oral or finger-to-vaginal contact all raise the risk. Research on monogamous female couples has found that partners frequently share identical vaginal bacterial strains, reinforcing that BV passes directly between women.
Herpes (HSV) can also be transmitted between female partners, though genital HSV-2 transmission specifically is relatively inefficient in this context. HSV-1, commonly associated with cold sores, may actually pose a higher genital risk for women who frequently have oral sex with female partners, since the virus can transfer from mouth to genitals.
Barrier Methods for Protection
Dental dams are thin sheets of latex or polyurethane placed over the vulva or anus during oral sex. They reduce direct fluid and skin contact. Use a new one each time, apply water-based or silicone-based lubricant on the side facing the body to prevent tearing, and never reuse or flip one over. If you don’t have a dental dam, you can make one by cutting the tip and base off an unrolled condom, then slicing it lengthwise and laying it flat.
Latex or nitrile gloves are another option during manual stimulation, particularly if either partner has cuts or hangnails on their fingers. Gloves also make cleanup easier and create a smoother surface. When sharing sex toys between partners, using a condom over the toy and swapping it between uses is the simplest way to prevent passing infections back and forth.
Sexual Frequency in Long-Term Relationships
You may have heard the term “lesbian bed death,” the idea that female couples stop having sex more quickly than other couples. Early research from the 1980s supported this, but more recent studies tell a different story. Several have found no significant difference in sexual frequency between lesbian and heterosexual couples. Some research suggests lesbian women actually spend more time per sexual encounter than heterosexual women, even if the number of encounters per month is similar.
When decreases in frequency do happen, they don’t necessarily signal a problem. In qualitative studies, many women in long-term relationships who experienced a drop in sexual activity said it didn’t affect their relationship satisfaction and wasn’t something they considered a reason to break up. Desire naturally fluctuates with stress, health, and life circumstances in relationships of every orientation.