Sex between two men includes a wide range of activities, from kissing and mutual touch to oral and anal sex. There’s no single way it happens, and most male couples engage in several different acts depending on preference, comfort, and mood. Understanding the basics of how these activities work, what feels good, and how to stay safe can make the experience more enjoyable and lower health risks.
Types of Sexual Activity
Sex between men isn’t limited to one act. Common activities include mutual masturbation, oral sex, anal sex, body rubbing (sometimes called frotting), fingering, and using toys. Many couples mix several of these in a single encounter, and some prefer to avoid penetration entirely. What counts as “sex” is personal, and no single activity is more legitimate than another.
Mutual masturbation and body-to-body rubbing carry the lowest risk for sexually transmitted infections, especially when there’s no contact with semen or pre-ejaculate. Oral sex carries a moderate risk, primarily for infections like gonorrhea, syphilis, and herpes. Anal sex carries the highest STI risk of any sexual activity, particularly for the receptive partner, which is why preparation, lubrication, and protection matter so much.
How Anal Sex Works
Anal sex involves one partner (the “top”) inserting his penis into the other partner’s (the “bottom”) anus. Some couples switch roles, sometimes called being “versatile.” The most important things for comfortable anal sex are relaxation, communication, generous lubrication, and patience. The anal sphincter is a ring of muscle that tightens reflexively. Rushing past that reflex is what causes most pain and injury.
Starting slowly is key. Many people find that beginning with a finger or a small toy, then gradually working up, helps the muscles relax. The receptive partner controls the pace. Pushing out gently (as if bearing down) can help ease insertion. Pain is a signal to stop or slow down, not something to push through.
Why It Can Feel Good
The prostate gland sits about two inches inside the rectum, toward the front of the body. It’s roughly the size and texture of a walnut and is packed with nerve endings. Direct or indirect stimulation of the prostate during anal sex or fingering produces intense pleasure for many men, sometimes called a “prostate orgasm.” You can locate it by gently curling a finger upward (toward the belly button) after insertion. You may feel a sudden urge to urinate at first, which is normal and usually fades.
Lubrication Is Essential
Unlike the vagina, the rectum produces no natural lubrication and its lining is thinner and more delicate. Using plenty of lubricant reduces friction, prevents tearing, and makes the experience significantly more comfortable. Reapply as needed throughout.
The type of lube matters, especially if you’re using condoms. Water-based lubricants are compatible with all condom types and easy to clean up, though they dry out faster and may need reapplication. Silicone-based lubricants last much longer and work well with both latex and polyurethane condoms, making them a popular choice for anal sex. Oil-based products (coconut oil, petroleum jelly, lotions) break down latex condoms and can leave a residue in the rectum that promotes bacterial infection. If you’re using latex condoms, stick to water-based or silicone-based options.
The World Health Organization recommends that personal lubricants have an osmolality below 1,200 mOsm/kg and a pH between 5.5 and 7 for anal use. In practical terms, this means avoiding cheap lubes that feel “warming” or “tingling,” as these tend to have high osmolality and can damage the rectal lining. Look for products marketed specifically for anal sex or those labeled “isotonic.”
Preparation and Hygiene
Many men who bottom choose to clean beforehand with an anal douche, though it isn’t medically required. A bowel movement and a shower are often enough. If you do douche, use plain warm water or a saline solution (half a teaspoon of salt in one cup of water). Never use soap, alcohol, or household chemicals.
A simple rubber bulb syringe from a drugstore works well. Lubricate the nozzle before inserting it, squeeze gently, and expel the water on the toilet. Repeat until the water runs clear, usually two or three times. Douche at least 30 to 60 minutes before sex to let any residual water drain.
Overdoing it carries real risks. Frequent douching irritates the rectal lining, which can actually increase susceptibility to STIs. One study found that people who douche regularly had 74% higher odds of reporting an STI in the past year compared to those who don’t. Keep it to no more than two or three times a week, and skip it entirely if you have hemorrhoids or anal fissures.
Oral Sex Between Men
Oral sex (giving or receiving) is one of the most common sexual activities between men. For the person giving, technique varies widely, but the basics involve using the lips, tongue, and gentle suction on the shaft and head of the penis. Paying attention to your partner’s responses tells you more than any guide can.
Oral sex does carry STI risk. Gonorrhea transmits easily through oral contact, and syphilis and herpes can spread through skin-to-skin contact with sores. Using an unlubricated or flavored condom during oral sex reduces this risk significantly. Rimming (oral-anal contact) can transmit hepatitis A, intestinal parasites, and other infections. A dental dam or cut-open condom provides a barrier.
Protecting Your Sexual Health
Condoms remain the most accessible form of STI protection during anal sex. Use a new condom for each act, apply it before any penetration, and always pair it with compatible lubricant. Condoms reduce HIV transmission risk dramatically and protect against gonorrhea, chlamydia, and other fluid-borne infections. They’re less effective against skin-to-skin infections like herpes and HPV, which can spread through contact with areas the condom doesn’t cover.
PrEP for HIV Prevention
Pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP) is a medication that HIV-negative people take to prevent HIV infection. When taken as prescribed, it reduces the risk of getting HIV from sex by about 99%. It’s available as a daily pill or as an injection given every two months. For receptive anal sex, the daily pill reaches full protective levels after about 7 days of consistent use.
PrEP protects only against HIV, not other STIs. Regular testing (typically every three months while on PrEP) catches anything else early.
Vaccination
The HPV vaccine is recommended for everyone through age 26 who wasn’t vaccinated earlier, and adults up to age 45 can discuss it with a healthcare provider. HPV causes genital and anal warts and is linked to anal cancer, which is more common in men who have sex with men. The vaccine requires two doses if started before age 15, or three doses if started at 15 or older. Hepatitis A and B vaccines are also worth getting if you haven’t already, since both viruses can spread through sexual contact.
Testing
Routine STI screening is important regardless of condom use. Chlamydia and gonorrhea can infect the throat and rectum without symptoms, so ask for testing at all three sites (throat, rectum, urine) rather than urine alone. HIV, syphilis, and hepatitis screening round out a standard panel.
After Sex: What’s Normal and What’s Not
Mild soreness after anal sex is common, especially if you’re newer to it. A small amount of spotting can happen and usually resolves on its own. Gently wash the area with warm water afterward, and avoid scented soaps, powders, or perfumes near the anus, as these can cause irritation. Wearing loose cotton underwear helps.
Some things warrant medical attention: persistent pain that doesn’t improve within a day or two, ongoing bleeding or blood in stool, unusual discharge, difficulty controlling bowel movements, or new lumps near the anus. These could indicate a tear, infection, or other issue that’s treatable but shouldn’t be ignored. If you experience heavy bleeding or can’t stop it, that’s an emergency.
Communication Makes It Better
The physical mechanics matter less than the communication around them. Talking about what you enjoy, what’s off the table, and what you’d like to try removes guesswork and builds trust. Checking in during sex (“Is this good?” “Slower?” “More lube?”) isn’t awkward. It’s how you make the experience good for both people. Comfort levels change over time, and what works with one partner may not work with another. Staying open to feedback is the single most useful skill in any sexual encounter.