The best thing you can do right now is figure out what kind of headache she has, then match your response to it. A tension headache calls for different help than a migraine, and what feels supportive for one type can actually make another worse. The good news: most headaches respond well to a combination of simple interventions you can start within minutes.
Figure Out What You’re Dealing With
Before you do anything, ask her a few quick questions. Where does it hurt? What does the pain feel like? Is she sensitive to light or sound? Her answers tell you a lot.
A tension headache feels like pressure or tightness, as if a band is wrapped around the head. It’s usually mild to moderate and doesn’t come with nausea or light sensitivity. This is the most common type, and it responds well to basic comfort measures.
A migraine is different. The pain is throbbing or pulsating, often on one side, and moderate to severe. It typically comes with nausea, sensitivity to light, sound, or smell, and a strong desire to lie still. About one-third of migraine sufferers also experience an aura beforehand: visual disturbances like zigzag lines or blind spots that last 5 to 60 minutes. Migraines can last anywhere from 4 to 72 hours, so acting fast matters.
Create the Right Environment
For a migraine, environment is everything. She’ll instinctively want a dark, quiet room, and your job is to make that happen. Close the blinds, turn off overhead lights, and reduce noise. Turn off the TV. If you have a white noise machine or a fan, that can help mask sudden sounds. Offer her an eye mask if you have one.
Scent matters more than most people realize. Strong smells, including perfume, cologne, cooking odors, scented candles, and cleaning products, can intensify migraine pain. Skip the cologne, avoid frying food, and if the bathroom smells like hairspray, turn on the vent. These small adjustments make a real difference.
For a tension headache, the environment is less critical, but a calm, comfortable space still helps. She may not need total darkness, but dimming the lights and keeping things low-key won’t hurt.
Use Temperature Therapy
A cold compress on the forehead or the back of the neck is one of the fastest non-drug ways to reduce headache pain. A bag of frozen peas wrapped in a thin towel works fine. Cold reduces blood flow to the area and can dull the pain signal.
Some people prefer heat, like a warm towel or a microwavable rice bag placed on the neck and shoulders, which loosens tight muscles. This tends to work better for tension headaches, where muscle tightness is part of the problem. Ask her which feels better. There’s no wrong answer here.
Offer Water and a Small Amount of Caffeine
Dehydration is a common headache trigger that’s easy to overlook. Bring her a full glass of water, and encourage her to keep sipping. Don’t wait for her to ask.
Caffeine can be surprisingly helpful. A dose of about 100 to 130 mg (roughly one cup of brewed coffee) boosts the effectiveness of pain relievers for both tension headaches and migraines. But there’s a catch: if she regularly consumes more than 200 mg of caffeine a day and hasn’t had any yet, her headache might partly be caffeine withdrawal, which sets in within 24 hours of her last dose. In that case, a cup of coffee can resolve it within an hour. On the flip side, daily caffeine intake above 200 mg can actually provoke headaches in some people, so a single cup is the sweet spot.
Know Your Over-the-Counter Options
If she wants medication, the three main choices are acetaminophen (Tylenol), ibuprofen (Advil, Motrin), and naproxen (Aleve). Each works a little differently.
- Acetaminophen: Two regular-strength tablets (650 mg total) every 4 to 6 hours, or two extra-strength tablets (1,000 mg total) every 6 hours. The daily max is 4,000 mg. It’s gentler on the stomach but doesn’t reduce inflammation.
- Ibuprofen: One to two tablets (200 to 400 mg) every 4 to 6 hours, with a daily max of 1,200 mg over the counter. It reduces both pain and inflammation, which can help with migraines.
- Naproxen: One to two tablets (220 to 440 mg) for the first dose, then one tablet every 8 to 12 hours, with a daily max of 660 mg. It lasts longer than ibuprofen, so it’s a good choice if the headache tends to drag on.
Pairing any of these with caffeine improves their effectiveness. If she’s already taken one type without relief, don’t stack a second type on top of it without checking the timing and limits first.
Try Hands-On Relief
Gentle pressure on certain points can ease headache pain. Research shows that pressure-based stimulation (not just formal acupuncture with needles) produces measurable effects, even when applied to non-traditional points. Try gently rubbing her temples in slow circles, pressing the fleshy area between her thumb and index finger, or massaging the base of her skull where the neck muscles attach.
For tension headaches specifically, progressive muscle relaxation can help. Have her tense her shoulders up toward her ears for five seconds, then release. Work through the neck, jaw, and forehead the same way. The contrast between tension and release helps those muscles let go. Even just rubbing her forehead or the back of her neck while she lies still can provide noticeable relief.
Take Over the To-Do List
One of the most underrated things you can do is absorb the mental load. If there are dishes to wash, meals to prep, pets to feed, errands to run, or plans to coordinate, handle them without being asked. Then tell her it’s taken care of. The stress of feeling behind on responsibilities can prolong a headache, and knowing everything is handled lets her actually rest.
If she needs to go anywhere, like a pharmacy to pick up a prescription, offer to drive. Migraine symptoms like light sensitivity, visual disturbances, and dizziness can make driving unsafe, and the offer itself communicates that you take what she’s feeling seriously.
What to Say (and What Not To)
The most helpful thing you can say is simple: “It’s okay to go take care of yourself.” Many people feel guilty for lying down in the middle of the day or canceling plans, and giving her explicit permission to rest removes that pressure.
Acknowledge what she’s going through without minimizing it. “I can see you’re really hurting” lands better than “It’s just a headache” or “Have you tried drinking water?” after she’s already told you it’s bad. Ask what she needs rather than assuming. Some people want company, a hand to hold, or someone lying quietly next to them. Others want to be left completely alone. Both are fine.
Learn her patterns over time. Ask about her triggers, what has worked before, and what makes things worse. Building that knowledge means you can respond faster next time, sometimes before she even has to ask.
Red Flags That Need Immediate Attention
Most headaches are painful but not dangerous. A few situations are different. Get emergency help if her headache came on suddenly and violently, if she describes it as “the worst headache of my life,” or if it started right after physical exertion or sex. Slurred speech, vision changes, confusion, difficulty moving her arms or legs, loss of balance, or memory problems alongside a headache are all reasons to call 911. The same goes for headache with fever, stiff neck, nausea, and vomiting together, or any headache following a head injury. A headache that steadily worsens over 24 hours without responding to anything also warrants medical evaluation.