Getting someone mental help starts with understanding what level of support they need right now and knowing which doors to open first. Whether you’re worried about a loved one in crisis or trying to connect them with ongoing care, the path forward depends on the urgency of the situation and their willingness to accept help.
If They’re in Immediate Danger
Call 911 if someone is actively harming themselves, has attempted suicide, or poses an immediate physical threat to others. This is the right call when someone needs medical attention or physical intervention that a phone counselor can’t provide.
For emotional distress, suicidal thoughts, or a substance use crisis that doesn’t involve immediate physical danger, call or text 988. The 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline connects callers to trained counselors 24/7 who listen, help de-escalate the situation, and link people to local resources. Services are available in English, Spanish, and more than 240 other languages through interpreters. Only a small percentage of 988 calls result in 911 being dispatched, and that typically happens with the caller’s consent when there’s an imminent risk to life that can’t be reduced over the phone.
When calling 911 for a mental health crisis, you can ask the dispatcher whether a Crisis Intervention Team officer is available. CIT-trained officers complete 40 hours of specialized training in de-escalation and mental health referrals, and research shows they perform significantly better at calming psychiatric crises and connecting people to treatment rather than jail. Not every department has CIT officers on every shift, but asking is worth the effort.
How to Talk to Someone Who Doesn’t Want Help
This is the hardest part for most families. The person you’re worried about may not recognize they’re struggling, or they may feel ashamed, defensive, or simply not ready. Pushing too hard often backfires, creating distance instead of progress.
A communication approach called LEAP (Listen, Empathize, Agree, Partner) was developed specifically for situations where someone lacks insight into their own illness. The core idea is to spend far more time listening than persuading. Rather than listing reasons they need help, ask open-ended questions about how they’re feeling and what’s been hard. Reflect back what you hear without judgment. Find points of genuine agreement, even small ones, like “we both want you to feel less stressed.” Then position yourself as a partner working toward a goal they actually care about, not an authority issuing instructions.
Avoid ultimatums, diagnoses, or “you need to” language. Instead, frame professional support as a tool for something they already want: better sleep, less anxiety, feeling more like themselves. People are more likely to accept help when it’s tied to their own goals rather than someone else’s worry.
Choosing the Right Type of Professional
Mental health care isn’t one-size-fits-all, and knowing which provider to seek saves time and frustration.
A psychiatrist is a medical doctor who can diagnose mental health conditions, prescribe medication, and provide therapy. If you suspect your loved one needs medication for something like severe depression, bipolar disorder, or psychosis, a psychiatrist is the starting point. A psychologist holds an advanced degree in psychology and treats conditions through therapy, including cognitive behavioral therapy, couples therapy, and family therapy. Psychologists cannot prescribe medication in most states, but they often coordinate with psychiatrists when someone needs both talk therapy and medication. Licensed clinical social workers also provide therapy and tend to focus on connecting clients with community resources alongside treatment.
For a first step when you’re unsure what someone needs, their primary care doctor can screen for common conditions, prescribe basic medications for depression or anxiety, and refer to specialists.
Navigating Wait Times and Access
Be prepared for delays. Research published in General Hospital Psychiatry found that only about 18.5% of psychiatrists were available to see new patients, with a median wait of 67 days for an in-person appointment. Telepsychiatry cuts that to a median of 43 days, which is still considerable but meaningfully faster. Previous studies have found wait times ranging from under a week to two and a half months depending on location and insurance.
To shorten the wait, consider these options:
- Telepsychiatry or online therapy platforms. Virtual appointments are generally more available and more flexible with scheduling.
- Community mental health centers. These serve people regardless of insurance status and often have shorter intake timelines than private practices.
- University training clinics. Graduate programs in psychology and social work run supervised clinics with reduced fees and shorter wait lists.
- Primary care as a bridge. A family doctor can start treatment for depression or anxiety while your loved one waits for a specialist appointment.
Understanding Insurance Coverage
Before booking an appointment, call the number on the back of the insurance card and ask specifically about behavioral health benefits. Some plans contract with a separate behavioral health network, meaning a provider who’s in-network for medical care may be out-of-network for therapy or psychiatry. Out-of-network providers typically cost significantly more, and some plans won’t cover them at all.
Many providers will run a verification of benefits before your first visit, confirming what the plan covers and what you’ll owe out of pocket. For higher levels of care like residential treatment or intensive programs, the insurer usually requires a clinical review and prior authorization, where they evaluate the diagnosis, recommended treatment length, and symptom severity before approving coverage.
Levels of Care Beyond Weekly Therapy
Standard outpatient therapy, meaning weekly or biweekly sessions, works well for mild to moderate conditions. But when someone is struggling too much for a single hour of therapy per week to make a dent, there are structured options between outpatient care and full hospitalization.
An intensive outpatient program (IOP) involves two to three hours of treatment, two to three days per week. People in IOPs can still live at home, go to work or school, and maintain their routines while getting more concentrated support. A partial hospitalization program (PHP) is a step up: five or six hours a day, five days a week. PHPs are designed for people whose symptoms are severe enough to need daily structured care but who don’t require overnight supervision. The key difference between these two levels is the time commitment and the severity of the condition being treated.
Inpatient hospitalization is reserved for people who are a danger to themselves or others, or who are unable to care for themselves at a basic level. Voluntary admission happens when the person agrees to go. Involuntary commitment, sometimes called a psychiatric hold, is a legal process that varies by state but generally requires evidence that someone poses an imminent risk of harm or is so severely impaired they cannot meet basic needs like eating, drinking, or sheltering themselves. This process typically involves an evaluation by a mental health professional and, within a short window, a hearing before a judge.
What You Can Do as a Family Member
You can make calls, research providers, handle insurance logistics, and offer to drive someone to appointments. These practical barriers stop more people from getting care than you might expect. Sometimes the most effective thing you can do is remove the logistical friction rather than have another conversation about why they should go.
If your loved one is an adult and won’t accept help voluntarily, your options are limited unless they meet criteria for involuntary commitment. In that gap between “clearly struggling” and “legally committable,” your role shifts to maintaining the relationship, staying consistent in your concern, and being ready to act when they are.
NAMI’s Family-to-Family program is a free course designed for people in exactly this position. It covers managing your own stress, communicating effectively with a loved one who has a mental health condition, and handling crises. Caring for someone with a mental illness is exhausting, and your own wellbeing directly affects your ability to help. Local NAMI chapters run these programs regularly, and you can find one through nami.org.