The single most important rule for interacting with any dog is to let the dog choose. Dogs communicate consent clearly through body language, and most negative encounters happen when people skip that step. Whether you’re greeting a neighbor’s puppy or passing a leashed dog on the sidewalk, a few simple habits keep both you and the dog comfortable.
Let the Dog Come to You
Before you touch any dog that isn’t yours, you need two permissions: the owner’s and the dog’s. Ask the owner first. If they say yes, resist the urge to reach out immediately. Instead, turn your body slightly to the side, avoid direct eye contact, and wait. If the dog walks toward you, that’s a green light. If the dog hangs back, looks away, or moves behind the owner, respect that answer no matter what the owner says.
When a dog does approach, hold your hand in a loose fist at their nose level and let them sniff. Don’t thrust your hand forward. Dogs greet the world nose-first, and this gives them a moment to gather information about you on their own terms. You can kneel to make yourself less imposing for a small or timid dog, but stay standing if you have any doubt about the dog’s comfort level. Kneeling puts your face right at bite height.
How to Read a Dog’s Stress Signals
Dogs rarely bite without warning. They almost always telegraph discomfort first, but the signals are subtle enough that most people miss them. Learning to spot these cues is the most practical skill you can develop around dogs.
Watch for what trainers call “whale eye”: the dog turns its head slightly away while keeping its gaze locked on you, exposing a crescent of white around the eye. This half-moon of visible white is a reliable sign the dog feels anxious or trapped. Other stress signals include lip licking when there’s no food around, ears flattened against the head, a rigid frozen posture, yawning, and turning the head away to break eye contact. A dog showing several of these at once is telling you to back off. A dog displaying whale eye along with growling or raised fur along the spine may be close to snapping defensively.
On the other hand, a relaxed dog carries a loose, wiggly body. The tail wags broadly (not just the tip), the mouth is soft or slightly open, and the ears sit in their natural position. These are the dogs actively inviting interaction.
Where Dogs Like to Be Touched
Most dogs enjoy being scratched on the chest, the base of the ears, and along the side of the neck. These are safe starting points with an unfamiliar dog. Gentle strokes along the back and shoulders are usually welcome once the dog has warmed up to you.
Avoid reaching over the top of a dog’s head, especially on a first greeting. From the dog’s perspective, a hand descending from above looks like a threat. The belly is complicated: some dogs roll over as an invitation, but others do it as a submissive or anxious gesture. If a dog rolls belly-up but its body is tense, ears are pinned, or tail is tucked, it’s not asking for a belly rub. Most dogs are also sensitive about their paws, tail, and muzzle. Save those areas for dogs you know well who have shown they’re comfortable with it.
Why Dogs Hate Hugs
Hugging feels like love to humans. To dogs, it feels like being pinned down. Dogs interpret a hug as restraint, and restraint removes their ability to move away from a threat, which is their primary coping strategy when stressed. A study analyzing videos of people hugging dogs found that two out of three dogs responded with nipping or biting behaviors directed at the person hugging them.
This doesn’t mean your dog secretly despises you. Some individual dogs tolerate hugs from their trusted person. But even tolerant dogs typically show low-level stress signs during a hug: closed eyes, turned head, flattened ears, lip licking. With unfamiliar dogs, hugging is one of the fastest ways to provoke a bite. The same applies to leaning over a dog, putting your face close to theirs, or staring directly into their eyes. All of these feel confrontational in dog language.
Approaching Leashed Dogs in Public
A leashed dog is not an open invitation. Dogs on leashes may be reactive, in training, recovering from surgery, or simply anxious around strangers. Always ask the owner before approaching, and give leashed dogs a wider berth than you think necessary. If you’re walking your own dog, don’t let the two dogs meet face-to-face on tight leashes. Tension on the leash restricts a dog’s ability to use natural body language, which can escalate a greeting into a conflict.
A UK community health study found that over half of dog bites involved a dog the victim had never met before. This challenges the old assumption that bites mostly come from familiar family pets. Strangers’ dogs deserve extra caution, not less.
Playing Safely
Play is one of the best ways to bond with a dog, but every dog has a different style. Some love tug-of-war, some prefer chase, and some want to wrestle. The key is matching the dog’s energy and watching for signs that play is tipping into over-arousal. Nipping, pushing, and jumping are normal during rough play, but hard biting, relentless pinning, or one dog trying to escape while the other keeps pursuing are signs things have gone too far.
For tug games, let the dog win sometimes. This builds confidence rather than frustration. Avoid tug with dogs that guard toys possessively, since the game can reinforce that guarding behavior. If play escalates and the dog’s body goes stiff, its pupils dilate, or it stops responding to its name, take a break. A few seconds of calm (ask the dog to sit, or simply stand still and ignore the dog briefly) usually resets the energy.
Children and Dogs
Children under nine face the highest risk of dog bites, for understandable reasons. They move unpredictably, make high-pitched sounds, tend to grab and squeeze, and aren’t yet skilled at reading body language. Every interaction between a young child and a dog requires adult supervision, with no exceptions. Even the gentlest family dog can react defensively if a toddler pulls its ear or falls on it.
Teach kids three clear rules: never bother a dog that’s eating, sleeping, or caring for puppies; always let the dog come to them instead of chasing it; and use gentle, slow hands rather than grabbing or hugging. Framing this as “the dog’s rules” rather than arbitrary restrictions helps kids internalize the habit. If a dog walks away from a child, that’s the dog saying it’s done, and the child needs to let it go.
Service Dogs Are Off Limits
Service dogs in vests or harnesses are working. Don’t pet them, talk to them, make eye contact, wave at them, or try to get their attention in any way. These dogs are trained to focus on their handler, and even a friendly “good boy” from a stranger can break that focus at a critical moment. If you need to communicate, speak to the handler, not the dog. If the handler says no to interaction, accept that immediately. There is always a good reason.