If someone tells you they’re thinking about suicide, take it seriously every single time. Your immediate priorities are to stay with them, listen without judgment, and connect them with professional support. You can call or text 988 (the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) together, available 24/7 and free. If they’re in immediate physical danger, call 911.
What you do in the next few minutes matters. Here’s how to handle it step by step.
Ask the Question Directly
The most important thing you can do is ask plainly: “Are you thinking about suicide?” This feels uncomfortable, but asking directly does not plant the idea or push someone closer to acting on it. That’s one of the most persistent myths about suicide, and research has consistently shown it to be false. What asking does is open a door. It tells the person you can handle the truth, and it gives them permission to be honest.
If they say yes, ask whether they have a plan and whether they have access to anything they could use to hurt themselves. This isn’t being nosy. It’s the single most useful piece of information for understanding how urgent the situation is. Someone who has a specific method in mind and access to it is at higher immediate risk than someone experiencing painful thoughts without a plan. Both deserve help, but the first situation calls for faster action.
Stay and Listen
Do not leave the person alone. This is true even if they seem calmer after talking, and even if they tell you they’re fine. Listening without judgment is the core skill here, and it doesn’t require any training. You don’t need to fix anything. You don’t need the right words. You need to be present and let them talk.
What helps:
- Silence. Let pauses sit. Don’t rush to fill them.
- Validation. “That sounds incredibly painful” is more useful than “Things will get better.”
- Calm presence. Match your tone to theirs. If they’re crying, don’t shift into problem-solving mode.
What doesn’t help: minimizing (“You have so much to live for”), making it about you (“Think about what this would do to me”), offering ultimatums, or expressing anger. These responses come from fear, not cruelty, but they make the person feel more isolated, not less.
Reduce Access to Lethal Means
One of the most effective things you can do is make it harder for the person to act on suicidal thoughts in the short term. If there are firearms in the home, ask if they can be temporarily stored elsewhere, with a friend, family member, or at a gun shop. If there are medications that could be used in an overdose, move them out of easy reach. Lock them in a car trunk, give them to a neighbor, or take them with you when you leave.
This isn’t about control. Most suicidal crises are temporary, and many people who survive an attempt say the intense urge lasted minutes, not hours. Putting time and distance between the person and the means they’d use can be the difference between a crisis that passes and one that doesn’t. Studies on means restriction consistently show that when access to a particular method is reduced, people generally do not switch to another one.
Connect Them With Professional Help
You are not their therapist, and you shouldn’t try to be. Your role is to bridge the gap between this moment and professional support. Here are the options:
- 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Call, text, or chat 988. Available 24/7, free, confidential. Accessible for deaf and hard-of-hearing callers and Spanish speakers.
- Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741.
- Emergency services: Call 911 if the person has already harmed themselves, has a weapon, or you believe they are about to act.
- In Canada: Call or text 988 for the Suicide Crisis Helpline, available 24/7 in English and French.
You can also help them contact a trusted person in their life: a family member, close friend, therapist, or spiritual advisor. The goal is to widen their support network so the weight isn’t on you alone or on them alone. If they already see a therapist or counselor, offer to help them call and schedule an urgent appointment.
Warning Signs That Signal Higher Risk
Sometimes people don’t say “I want to kill myself” in those exact words. The warning signs are often behavioral rather than verbal, and they’re most concerning when they’re new or have recently intensified:
- Planning or researching methods of dying
- Giving away possessions, saying goodbye, or making a will unexpectedly
- Withdrawing from friends and family
- Extreme mood swings, especially sudden calm after a period of deep depression
- Reckless behavior like dangerous driving or heavy substance use
- Major changes in eating or sleeping patterns
A sudden sense of peace or resolution in someone who has been deeply depressed can actually be one of the most alarming signs. It sometimes means the person has made a decision and feels relief, not that they’re getting better.
What Happens If They Go to the ER
If the situation escalates and the person needs emergency care, knowing what to expect can reduce anxiety for both of you. At the emergency department, a mental health professional will talk with the person privately. They’ll ask about how often suicidal thoughts are occurring, whether the person has a plan, any history of past attempts, and symptoms like hopelessness, anxiety, isolation, or substance use.
They’ll also ask about the person’s support network and reasons for living. One key question is: “Do you think you need help to keep yourself safe?” The clinician is trying to determine the right level of care, whether that’s a safety plan and outpatient follow-up, or inpatient observation. In cases where someone poses an immediate risk to themselves and has a serious psychiatric condition, a short involuntary hold is possible, though most evaluations don’t end that way. The general criteria require that symptoms pose an immediate safety threat and that the person would benefit from hospital-level treatment.
For many people, the ER visit results in a safety plan, a referral to outpatient care, and discharge the same day.
Requesting a Welfare Check
If you’re not physically with the person and you believe they’re in danger, you can call 911 or the local non-emergency police line to request a welfare check. An officer will go to the person’s location to assess their safety. Most of these encounters are resolved through conversation and de-escalation. Officers are trained to assess risk based on the full situation and use the least intrusive response necessary.
Be aware that welfare checks involve police, and depending on the person’s circumstances, history, or community, that may cause additional stress. If the person is reachable by phone, calling 988 together or connecting them with a crisis counselor first is often a better starting point.
Follow Up Afterward
The crisis doesn’t end when the immediate danger passes. The days and weeks after a suicidal episode, especially right after a hospital discharge, are a period of elevated risk. Staying in touch makes a measurable difference. A simple text the next day, a phone call later that week, checking in a month later: these small gestures remind the person that someone is paying attention and that they matter outside of the crisis moment.
You don’t need to bring up the crisis every time you reach out. Sometimes “Hey, want to grab lunch?” does more than another serious conversation. The point is consistent presence.
Taking Care of Yourself
Supporting someone through a suicidal crisis is one of the most stressful experiences a person can go through. You may feel fear, helplessness, anger, guilt, or emotional exhaustion, sometimes all at once. These reactions are normal, and they deserve attention.
The 988 Lifeline isn’t only for people experiencing suicidal thoughts. You can call or text 988 if you’re worried about a loved one and need support for yourself. Talking to your own therapist, a trusted friend, or a support group for people who’ve been in your position can help you process what happened without burning out. You cannot pour from an empty cup, and the person you’re supporting needs you to stay steady over time, not just in the moment of crisis.