Stopping co-sleeping is one of those parenting transitions that feels harder on you than it does on your child. The good news: most families can make the switch in one to three weeks using a consistent approach. Whether your child is 6 months old or 6 years old, the core principles are the same: create a comfortable sleep space, establish a predictable routine, and pick a method you can stick with.
Choose the Right Timing
There’s no single “perfect” age to stop co-sleeping, but your child’s developmental stage shapes which approach will work best. Children under about two and a half typically lack the impulse control to follow rules like “stay in your bed all night,” so transitioning to a crib rather than a toddler bed makes the process much smoother. By around age one, most children have strong enough receptive language to understand simple verbal cues and comfort from another room, which helps with gradual methods.
Avoid starting during a period of major upheaval. A new sibling, a move, starting daycare, or illness will make the transition harder. Pick a stretch of relatively calm days, ideally a long weekend or vacation when disrupted sleep won’t wreck your work schedule. If your child is an infant, the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that babies sleep on their backs in their own sleep space with no other people, so earlier transitions align with safety guidelines.
Set Up Their Sleep Space First
Before you change anything about bedtime, make the new sleep environment inviting. Let your child help pick out sheets or a stuffed animal. For toddlers and preschoolers, this sense of ownership matters. Address the specific things that might make the room feel less comfortable than your bed: if it’s too bright, use room-darkening curtains; if it’s too quiet or too noisy, a white noise machine creates a consistent sound backdrop; if darkness is the issue, a small night light or a kid-friendly flashlight on the nightstand can help.
Keep the room cool (around 65 to 70°F works for most children) and remove distractions like screens or toys that invite play. The goal is for your child to associate that space with sleep and only sleep.
Build a Bedtime Routine
A predictable bedtime routine is the single most effective tool for independent sleep. Research published through the National Institutes of Health found that a routine lasting 20 to 40 minutes, with two to four calm activities, significantly improved how quickly children fell asleep and how long they stayed asleep. The specific activities matter less than consistency, but effective combinations include a bath, brushing teeth, putting on pajamas, and reading one or two books.
A massage or lotion application after the bath can be especially calming for infants and toddlers. The key is doing the same things in the same order every night so your child’s body starts winding down automatically. End the routine in your child’s room, not yours. If you’ve been reading stories in your bed, move that activity to their room so the final associations of the night belong to their space.
The Gradual Approach
If your child is anxious about the change, or if you want to minimize tears, a gradual withdrawal works well. The “camping out” method, recommended by pediatric sleep specialist Dr. Craig Canapari, involves placing an air mattress or sleeping bag on the floor of your child’s room. You sleep there temporarily while your child sleeps in their own bed or crib. This gives them the reassurance of your presence without continuing to share a bed, which is an important distinction.
After a few nights (typically three to five), move the mattress closer to the door. Then move to the hallway. Then to your own room. Each stage should last until your child seems comfortable, usually two to four nights. Some parents prefer a version where they sit in a chair beside the crib or bed, then gradually move the chair farther away over the course of a week or two. Either way, minimize interaction during these nights. Be boring: no talking, no eye contact, no picking up. Your presence is the comfort, not your engagement.
The Cold Turkey Approach
For parents who prefer a clean break, the cold turkey method means your bedroom simply becomes off limits for sleeping starting on a chosen night. You do the bedtime routine, place your child in their bed, say goodnight, and leave. The first few nights will likely involve protest, and sometimes a lot of it. Expect crying, requests for water, sudden “emergencies,” and possibly your child appearing at your bedroom door.
Consistency is everything here. If you give in on night three, you’ve taught your child that persistence works and the next attempt will be harder. Return your child to their bed calmly and with minimal conversation each time. Most children adjust within three to seven nights if the boundary holds firm. This method tends to work faster than gradual withdrawal but involves more short-term distress for both parent and child.
What to Do When They Come Back
Regardless of which method you choose, expect some regression. Your child will test the new boundary, sometimes weeks after you thought the transition was complete. The response should be the same every time: walk them back to their bed, offer brief reassurance (“You’re okay, it’s time to sleep”), and leave. No negotiation, no exceptions for “just tonight.”
For toddlers and preschoolers, a reward system can reinforce the behavior you want. A simple sticker chart where they earn a sticker for each night they stay in their own bed gives them something concrete to work toward. Keep the reward small and immediate at first (a sticker in the morning, a special breakfast) rather than distant (“if you do this for a whole month”).
Some children do better with a transitional object, something that smells like you. Sleeping with a pillowcase or t-shirt for a night before giving it to your child can provide comfort without your physical presence.
Adjusting for Different Ages
For babies under one, the transition is really about moving them to a crib in your room first, then to their own room. Room sharing without bed sharing is the safest arrangement for infants. A bedside bassinet can serve as an intermediate step. At this age, the baby won’t have opinions about the change, so consistency in your response to nighttime waking is what matters most.
Toddlers between one and three are often the most challenging because they have strong preferences but limited reasoning. Keep explanations simple: “This is your bed. You sleep here now.” Lengthy conversations about why they need to sleep alone won’t register. Physical barriers like a crib or a baby gate at the doorway may be necessary.
Preschoolers and older children can be part of the planning process. Talk about the change during the day, not at bedtime. Let them know what’s going to happen and when. Children over three can often articulate what they’re afraid of, which lets you address specific fears (monsters, the dark, being alone) rather than guessing. For school-age children who are still co-sleeping, the transition is more about habit than developmental limitation. These kids typically adjust quickly once the expectation is clear and consistent, often within a few nights.
Why It Feels So Hard
Most of the difficulty in ending co-sleeping is emotional, not logistical. Parents often feel guilty, especially if the child is upset. It helps to remember that learning to fall asleep independently is a skill, and like all skills, it involves some frustration during the learning phase. Children who co-sleep will not stop on their own until around age 13 on average, according to developmental pediatrician Dr. Brazelton, so waiting for your child to naturally outgrow it may mean waiting much longer than you expect.
If you’ve tried a method for two solid weeks with full consistency and your child is still struggling significantly, it’s worth considering whether something else is going on. Anxiety disorders, sensory processing differences, or sleep disorders like restless legs can make independent sleep genuinely harder for some children and may need separate attention.