Sex between women involves a wide range of activities, and there’s no single “right” way to do it. Unlike the narrow portrayals often shown in mainstream media, women who have sex with women engage in oral sex, manual stimulation, grinding, toy use, and many combinations of these. What feels good varies from person to person, and most of it centers on the clitoris, which is the primary source of orgasm for most women.
Oral Sex
Oral sex, or cunnilingus, is one of the most common sexual activities between women. It involves using the mouth, lips, and tongue on a partner’s vulva and clitoris. There’s no single technique that works for everyone, but variety tends to be key. You might flatten your tongue and lick broadly across the whole area, apply focused pressure to the clitoris, suck gently on the clitoral hood while flicking the tongue underneath, or trace circles around the clitoris. Some people enjoy teasing around the vaginal opening with the tongue or alternating between intense direct contact and lighter, barely-there strokes to build arousal gradually.
A practical tip: gently pressing upward on the area just above the clitoris (the mons) with a free hand can pull back the clitoral hood, exposing the clitoris to more direct sensation. This also keeps any pubic hair out of the way. Switching between your mouth and a vibrator gives your jaw a break during longer sessions and adds a different kind of stimulation. Communication matters here more than technique. Phrases like “a little to the left,” “harder,” “keep doing that” are genuinely useful in the moment and make the experience better for both people.
Manual Stimulation
Using hands and fingers is another core part of sex between women. This includes stimulating the clitoris externally, penetrating the vagina with fingers, or both at the same time. Some people prefer light, circular motions on the clitoris, while others want more pressure. Internal stimulation often focuses on the front wall of the vagina, which has more nerve endings than the back wall and is closely connected to the internal structure of the clitoris.
The clitoris is much larger than the small visible part suggests. The external tip is just the beginning. Internally, it extends beneath the surface and wraps around the front wall of the vagina. When aroused, these internal portions engorge with blood and become more sensitive, which is why internal finger stimulation of the front vaginal wall (sometimes called the G-spot area) can feel intensely pleasurable. It’s essentially stimulating the clitoris from the inside. Combining this with external clitoral stimulation at the same time is a common way women bring each other to orgasm.
Some women also enjoy cervical stimulation with deeper penetration, and some enjoy anal stimulation. If switching between areas, using a fresh glove or washing hands between contact points helps prevent transferring bacteria.
Grinding and Body Contact
Tribbing, sometimes called grinding, involves rubbing genitals together or against a partner’s body (thigh, hip, stomach). Scissoring, where partners interlock their legs and press their vulvas together, falls under this category. Despite being one of the most talked-about positions in pop culture, scissoring is just one variation of genital-to-genital or genital-to-body contact, and it doesn’t work equally well for everyone depending on body shape and flexibility.
Grinding can feel good because it provides broad clitoral stimulation through pressure and friction. Many women find it especially intimate because of the full-body contact involved. Lubricant can make this more comfortable and pleasurable, since natural lubrication alone sometimes isn’t enough for skin-on-skin grinding.
Sex Toys
Vibrators, dildos, strap-ons, and other toys are common additions. A strap-on (a dildo worn in a harness) allows for penetrative sex in various positions. Vibrators can be used on the clitoris, internally, or both. Some couples use toys on each other, some use them on themselves during partnered sex, and some incorporate them alongside oral or manual stimulation.
If you’re using silicone toys, stick with water-based lubricant. Silicone-based lube can chemically react with silicone toys, breaking down the surface and making them porous, sticky, and harder to clean safely. Water-based lube is compatible with all toy materials, though it dries out faster and may need reapplying. Oil-based products like coconut oil or petroleum jelly can also damage toys and trap bacteria, so those are best avoided. If you’re unsure whether a lubricant is safe for a specific toy, apply a small amount to an inconspicuous spot and wait a few hours. If the surface becomes sticky or changes texture, don’t use that combination.
Communication Makes It Better
One reason communication matters so much is that “sex” doesn’t refer to any single act. For some people it means oral sex, for others it means penetration with toys, for others it’s mutual masturbation or grinding. There’s no default script the way heterosexual sex is often culturally framed, which can feel both freeing and uncertain, especially for people with less experience.
Talking about what you enjoy, what you’d like to try, and what’s off the table doesn’t need to be a formal conversation. It can happen naturally before, during, and after. Giving real-time feedback (“that feels amazing,” “can you go softer”) is one of the simplest ways to have better sex. Many people find that the absence of a cultural script actually encourages more honest communication, since neither partner can fall back on assumptions about who does what.
Sexual Health Between Women
A persistent myth is that women who have sex with women don’t need to worry about sexually transmitted infections. That’s wrong. Several infections transmit between female partners, though the risk level varies by activity.
HPV spreads through skin-to-skin contact and transmits between women who have sex with women. Studies have detected HPV DNA on the cervix, vagina, or vulva in 13% to 30% of women who have sex with women. Even among those who report no lifetime history of sex with men, 26% had antibodies to HPV-16 (a high-risk strain) and 42% had antibodies to HPV-6. Bacterial vaginosis is strongly associated with sexual transmission between female partners, particularly linked to having a new partner, a partner who already has BV, receiving oral sex, and digital-vaginal or digital-anal contact. Trichomonas is relatively common and has been directly demonstrated to transmit between female partners. Herpes (HSV-2) transmission between women is less efficient but does occur. Syphilis transmission through oral sex between women has also been documented.
Barrier methods reduce risk. Dental dams are thin sheets of latex or polyurethane placed over the vulva or anus during oral sex. Use a new one each time, check for tears before use, and apply water-based or silicone-based lubricant on the side touching skin to prevent breakage. Don’t stretch them, don’t reuse them, and don’t use oil-based products with latex barriers. Nitrile or latex gloves are useful for hand sex, particularly when switching between vaginal and anal contact or between partners. Sharing penetrative toys without cleaning them or covering them with a new condom between uses is another transmission route worth being aware of.