A sexless marriage is more common than most people think. Roughly one in seven married adults in the United States has little to no sex, and about 7 percent haven’t had sex at all in the past year. If your marriage has gone through a long dry spell, you’re far from alone, and there are clear reasons why it happens.
What Counts as a “Sexless” Marriage
There’s no single official definition, but the widely used threshold is sexual intimacy fewer than ten times a year. By that measure, about 20 percent of American marriages qualify. Some experts set the bar even lower, defining it as less than once a month. Either way, the label describes a spectrum rather than a binary: some couples have sex a handful of times a year, others haven’t been intimate in years. About 4 percent of married adults report no sex in the past five years.
How Common Is Infrequent Sex by Age
Sexual frequency naturally shifts across life stages. Among married and cohabiting couples, the median is about three times per month. But that number masks wide variation. In the 25 to 44 age range, roughly half of both men and women report sex weekly or more. For younger adults aged 18 to 24, the numbers are actually lower: 37 percent of men and 52 percent of women report weekly sex, likely reflecting the adjustment period of newer relationships and life transitions.
Among married couples specifically, national survey data from 2016 to 2018 shows that about 6 to 7 percent have sex only once or twice a year, while 1 to 2 percent have no sex at all. The majority, around 58 to 61 percent, report weekly sex or more. That leaves a substantial middle group of about a third of married couples having sex one to three times per month. So while frequent sex is the norm statistically, infrequent sex is far from rare.
Medical Reasons Sex Drops Off
A range of health conditions directly reduce sex drive. Chronic pain, diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, thyroid problems, and arthritis can all suppress desire or make sex physically uncomfortable. For women, the hormonal shifts of perimenopause and menopause often lower libido significantly, as do pregnancy, childbirth, and breastfeeding. Reproductive conditions like endometriosis and PCOS also play a role. For men, declining testosterone levels, whether from aging or an underlying condition, are the most common biological driver.
Medications are another major factor that couples often overlook. Antidepressants, blood pressure drugs, and antipsychotic medications are well known for dampening desire. Hormonal birth control, including the pill, the patch, the ring, the implant, and hormonal injections, can lower sex drive in some women. Even lifestyle habits matter: smoking suppresses testosterone in both sexes, excessive alcohol reduces drive, and getting too much or too little exercise can throw things off.
Stress, Resentment, and the Roommate Dynamic
The psychological side is just as powerful. Stress is one of the most reliable libido killers. When your body is flooded with stress hormones, sex hormones drop in response, and desire fades. The added pressure of caring for young children, dealing with financial strain, or managing demanding jobs can push sex far down the priority list. After having a child, exhaustion, body image concerns, and even fear of another pregnancy can keep intimacy on hold for months or longer.
Mismatched desire is another common pattern. Partners rarely want sex at the same frequency, and when both people wait until the mood strikes them simultaneously, the gap between encounters quietly widens. Over time, this can create a “roommate” dynamic where the couple shares a home and a routine but little physical connection.
What makes this especially tricky is the emotional spiral it creates. The partner who wants more sex may feel rejected, which chips away at self-esteem. The other partner may feel pressured, which makes them withdraw further. Both may avoid talking about it, which erodes emotional closeness. Eventually, resentment builds on both sides. Research on low sexual desire has linked it to reduced happiness, lower satisfaction with the relationship, and more frequent negative emotions.
Does Less Sex Mean an Unhappy Marriage
Not necessarily, but there is a strong pattern. A large study of over 2,100 couples found that the vast majority, about 86 percent, fell into a profile where both partners were highly satisfied and had sex just under once a week. Only about 4 percent of couples had both infrequent sex and low satisfaction for both partners. The remaining 10 percent showed a more complicated picture: moderate sexual frequency but one partner satisfied and the other dissatisfied.
What distinguished the happiest couples wasn’t just frequency. It was low conflict, high commitment, and a willingness to be open and vulnerable with each other. In other words, couples who communicated well and stayed emotionally connected were far more likely to land in the satisfied, sexually active group. Sex and satisfaction tend to reinforce each other: emotional closeness fuels desire, and physical intimacy deepens connection.
That said, some couples genuinely feel content with very little sex. If both partners are on the same page and neither feels deprived or rejected, a low-sex marriage can be stable and loving. The trouble comes when there’s a gap between what each person wants.
What Actually Helps
If a medical issue is involved, addressing it directly often makes a difference. Adjusting a medication, treating a thyroid condition, or working with a doctor on hormonal changes during menopause can restore some of what was lost. These are worth investigating before assuming the problem is purely emotional.
For the psychological and relational side, structured therapy has a strong track record. In one study of women with persistently low desire, 86 percent found therapy effective. Approaches based on mindfulness were slightly more helpful (91 percent found them useful) compared to cognitive behavioral methods (81 percent), but both showed meaningful results. These programs typically focus on reconnecting with physical sensation, reducing performance pressure, and addressing the emotional patterns that keep couples stuck.
Outside of formal therapy, the research points to a few things that consistently matter: reducing daily stress where possible, talking openly about desire without blame or pressure, and rebuilding small forms of physical affection (touch, closeness, warmth) before jumping to sex itself. Couples who avoid the topic tend to drift further apart. Those who can name the problem together, even imperfectly, have a much better starting point for change.