Better sex comes down to a mix of physical health, communication, and a few practical choices that most people overlook. Some of the biggest improvements have nothing to do with technique. They involve how well you sleep, how often you move your body, and whether you actually tell your partner what feels good. Here’s what the evidence says makes the most difference.
Talk About What You Want
If you change one thing, make it this. A meta-analysis covering more than 40,000 people across 83 studies found a strong positive correlation between sexual communication and sexual satisfaction. The quality of that communication mattered more than how often it happened. Couples who could describe what they enjoyed, give feedback in the moment, and talk openly about preferences reported meaningfully higher satisfaction than those who stayed quiet and hoped for the best.
This doesn’t require a formal sit-down conversation. It can be as simple as guiding a partner’s hand, saying “that feels good, keep doing that,” or talking afterward about what you’d like more of next time. The key is specificity. Vague compliments are nice but don’t give your partner useful information. Telling them exactly what works does.
Use Lubricant
Lubricant is one of the simplest, most underused tools for better sex. In a large cross-sectional survey, 80% of respondents said lubricant was important for experiencing better sexual activity, and 77% said it mattered for sexual satisfaction. Nearly three-quarters reported it was important for reducing pain, and 80% said it reduced the chance of injury.
Friction that feels fine at first can become uncomfortable over time, especially during longer sessions or for people taking medications (like antihistamines or antidepressants) that reduce natural lubrication. Water-based lubricants work with all condom types. Silicone-based options last longer but aren’t compatible with silicone toys. Having lubricant on hand removes a barrier that many people don’t realize is dulling sensation or causing low-grade discomfort.
Spend More Time on Foreplay
Arousal doesn’t happen on a switch. The sexual response cycle has distinct phases: excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution. The timing of each phase varies significantly between people. For many women in particular, full physiological arousal (increased blood flow, natural lubrication, clitoral engorgement) takes considerably longer than it does for most men. Rushing past the excitement phase means the body hasn’t caught up, which makes everything that follows less pleasurable and potentially uncomfortable.
Foreplay isn’t just a warmup. It’s where anticipation builds, skin becomes more sensitive, and your brain’s reward circuitry ramps up. Dopamine, the same neurotransmitter behind the rush of any pleasurable experience, activates during this buildup. Oxytocin rises with skin-to-skin contact, deepening feelings of closeness and calm. Cutting this phase short means you’re skipping the neurochemistry that makes the rest of the experience feel good.
Exercise Regularly
Cardiovascular fitness directly affects sexual function. A review of 11 randomized controlled trials involving over 1,000 men found that those who did aerobic exercise for 30 to 60 minutes, three to five times a week, saw significant improvements in erectile function. In some cases, the improvement was comparable to what men experienced with prescription erectile dysfunction medications.
The mechanism is straightforward: aerobic exercise improves blood flow, lowers blood pressure, reduces inflammation, and helps manage weight. All of these factors affect how easily blood reaches the genitals during arousal, which matters for erections in men and for clitoral and vaginal engorgement in women. Exercise also lowers stress hormones that compete with arousal. Walking, running, cycling, and swimming all count. You don’t need to train like an athlete; consistency matters more than intensity.
Protect Your Sleep
Sleep deprivation tanks your sex hormones fast. A University of Chicago study found that healthy young men who slept fewer than five hours a night for just one week had testosterone levels 10% to 15% lower than when they slept a full night. The men also reported declining mood and energy as their testosterone dropped. Since testosterone drives libido in both men and women, chronic short sleep can quietly erode desire without you realizing the cause.
Seven to nine hours is the general target for most adults. If you’re regularly getting six or fewer and wondering why your sex drive has flatlined, sleep is worth investigating before anything else. It’s also one of the few changes where the payoff is fast. Hormone levels begin recovering within days of returning to adequate sleep.
Try Something New
Your brain is wired to pay less attention to things it has experienced repeatedly. This applies to sexual stimulation too. Research on sexual arousal has shown that desire and physical response both diminish with repeated exposure to the same stimulus, a process called habituation. When a novel stimulus was introduced, arousal increased and attention re-engaged.
In practical terms, this means that doing the same thing in the same order every time will gradually feel less exciting, even if it once felt great. Novelty doesn’t have to mean anything extreme. A different room, a different time of day, a new position, incorporating a toy, changing the pace, or exploring a fantasy together can all reset the brain’s attention and reward response. The point is to break the routine enough that your brain treats the experience as something worth paying full attention to.
Strengthen Your Pelvic Floor
Pelvic floor muscles play a direct role in orgasm intensity and control. These are the muscles you’d use to stop urinating midstream. Research has shown that strengthening them through Kegel exercises, combined with regular orgasm, significantly improves both pelvic floor strength and sexual function. This holds true for women, especially after childbirth, and for men looking to improve ejaculatory control and orgasm sensation.
A basic Kegel routine involves squeezing the pelvic floor muscles for five seconds, relaxing for five seconds, and repeating 10 to 15 times, three times a day. You can do them sitting at your desk, driving, or lying in bed. Results typically take a few weeks to notice, but the improvement in sensation and control is well-documented. If you’re unsure whether you’re engaging the right muscles, a pelvic floor physical therapist can help you identify them.
Nutrients That Support Sexual Function
Several supplements have shown modest benefits in clinical trials, though none are miracle fixes. L-arginine and L-citrulline both support the body’s production of nitric oxide, which relaxes blood vessels and improves blood flow to the genitals. Double-blind, placebo-controlled studies have found improvements in erectile function with both. Maca root has shown subjective improvements in sexual desire and performance in men with mild difficulties. Korean ginseng berry extract and tribulus terrestris have also demonstrated benefits in placebo-controlled trials, though effects tend to be modest.
The bigger picture matters more than any single supplement. A diet that supports heart health, rich in vegetables, fruits, whole grains, and healthy fats, supports sexual function for the same reason exercise does: it keeps blood vessels flexible and blood flowing. What’s good for your cardiovascular system is good for your sex life.