During EMDR, you don’t need to force yourself to think about anything specific. The core instruction is deceptively simple: bring up the target memory at the start of each set of eye movements (or taps, or tones), then let your mind go wherever it goes. Your job is to notice what comes up, not to control it. This “just notice” approach is one of the most common sources of confusion for people new to EMDR, so if you’ve been wondering whether you’re doing it right, you’re in good company.
What You Focus on at the Start of Each Set
Before each round of bilateral stimulation begins, your therapist will ask you to hold several things in mind at once: a specific image from the memory you’re targeting, a negative belief about yourself connected to that memory (something like “I’m not safe” or “I’m powerless”), the emotion that comes with it, and where you feel that emotion in your body. These four elements, the image, the thought, the feeling, and the body sensation, are your starting point.
You don’t need to hold all four in sharp focus like a meditation exercise. Think of it more like loading a file. You’re activating the memory network so your brain has something to work with. Once the eye movements or other stimulation starts, you let go of that deliberate focus and simply observe what happens next.
The “Just Notice” Instruction
This is where most people get tripped up. Once the bilateral stimulation begins, your therapist will tell you to let whatever happens, happen. You might see new images. You might feel a shift in emotion, from fear to sadness, or from sadness to anger. You might notice a tightness in your chest move to your throat. You might have a completely unrelated thought pop in. All of that is normal, and all of it is part of the process.
Your brain is doing something called dual attention during this phase. Part of your mind stays with the internal material (the memory, the feelings) while another part tracks the external stimulus (your therapist’s fingers, the light bar, the tapping). This split attention appears to reduce the emotional intensity of the memory over time. One theory is that it triggers something similar to what happens during REM sleep, when your brain naturally sorts and files experiences into long-term memory. Another is that the back-and-forth stimulus activates an orienting response, the same instinct that makes you turn toward a new sound, which interrupts the emotional grip of the memory.
Either way, the practical takeaway is the same: you don’t need to steer your thoughts. Your brain’s processing system does the heavy lifting. Trying too hard to think the “right” thing actually gets in the way.
Why Forcing Thoughts Can Backfire
EMDR is built on the idea that your brain has a built-in system for processing difficult experiences, similar to how your body heals a wound when conditions are right. The theory, known as the Adaptive Information Processing model, suggests that traumatic memories get stuck in their raw, unprocessed form, complete with the original images, emotions, and physical sensations. EMDR creates the conditions for your brain to unstick them, connecting them to more adaptive information and filing them away properly.
When you try to control what you think about during a set, you’re essentially overriding that natural process. People sometimes feel like they need to stay locked on the original memory the entire time, or they worry that a random thought about their grocery list means the session isn’t working. It doesn’t. The mind wanders during EMDR in ways that often seem random but turn out to be meaningful. A childhood memory might link to a workplace conflict, which might link to a feeling of shame you didn’t know was connected. That chain of associations is the processing happening in real time.
If you catch yourself fighting to stay on track or judging what comes up, the simplest correction is to go back to noticing. What do you see? What do you feel? Where in your body do you feel it? Report that to your therapist when the set pauses, and keep going.
The Safe Place Exercise
Before you ever get to the memory-processing phase, your therapist will likely guide you through a safe place (or “calm place”) visualization. This is a preparation tool, not the treatment itself, but it involves a very specific kind of thinking. You’ll be asked to picture a place that feels peaceful or secure, real or imagined. Then you’ll layer in sensory details: what you hear there, what you smell, what the air feels like on your skin. Your therapist will ask you to locate the pleasant physical sensation in your body and focus on it while doing a short set of bilateral stimulation.
This exercise serves two purposes. It gives you a grounding anchor you can return to if the processing phase gets overwhelming, and it helps your therapist confirm that bilateral stimulation works positively for you before applying it to distressing material. You may be asked to practice this visualization between sessions as well.
What Happens Between Sets
After each round of eye movements (typically lasting 20 to 30 seconds), your therapist will pause and ask something like, “What do you notice now?” or “What came up?” This is your chance to briefly describe whatever you experienced, whether it was a new image, a shift in emotion, a body sensation, or even nothing at all. You don’t need to analyze it or tell a story. A few words are enough.
Your therapist uses your response to decide what to do next. Sometimes they’ll say, “Go with that,” meaning you should hold that new thought or feeling loosely in mind as the next set begins. Other times, they’ll redirect you back to the original target memory. You don’t need to worry about making the right call here. That’s your therapist’s job. Yours is just to report honestly.
When the Intensity Feels Like Too Much
EMDR can surface powerful emotions. Some people experience what therapists call an abreaction, a sudden, intense wave of feeling that might include crying, shaking, or a strong urge to stop. This is not a sign that something has gone wrong. It’s unprocessed emotion moving through.
Before starting the processing phases, your therapist will teach you self-control techniques you can use if things feel overwhelming. These might include the safe place visualization, a specific breathing pattern, or a pre-arranged stop signal (like raising your hand) that tells your therapist you need a break. Knowing these tools exist can take some of the anxiety out of the process. You are always in control of the pace.
If a session ends before the memory is fully processed, your therapist will use those same grounding techniques to bring you back to a calm baseline before you leave. The processing doesn’t always wrap up neatly in one session, and that’s expected.
What Your Mind Does After a Session
Processing often continues after you leave your therapist’s office. In the hours and days following a session, you may notice new thoughts or connections surfacing about the memory you worked on. Vivid dreams are common. Some people feel emotionally lighter almost immediately; others feel stirred up for a day or two before things settle. Your therapist will likely ask you to keep a simple log of anything notable that comes up between sessions, not to analyze it, but to bring it back as useful information for the next round.
The same principle applies here as during the session itself: notice without judging. You don’t need to do anything with the thoughts that arise. Your brain is continuing the work on its own, sorting and filing the material you activated. If the between-session experience feels too intense, the grounding techniques from your preparation phase are there for exactly this purpose.