The most important thing to do when you’re drunk is stop drinking, start hydrating, and get somewhere safe. Your liver processes roughly one standard drink per hour, and nothing speeds that up. There’s no trick, no shortcut, no hack. Time is the only thing that actually sobers you up. But there’s plenty you can do right now to feel better, stay safe, and reduce the damage your body takes tonight and tomorrow morning.
Stop Drinking and Start With Water
Put the drink down. Every additional sip adds to the backlog your liver is already working through, and it processes alcohol at a fixed rate it cannot accelerate. If you’ve had five drinks, you’re looking at roughly five hours before your blood alcohol returns to zero.
Alcohol suppresses a hormone that helps your kidneys retain water, so you’ve been losing fluids faster than normal since your first drink. Sip water steadily in small amounts rather than chugging a huge glass all at once, which can trigger nausea. If you have access to a sports drink or something with electrolytes, even better. Sodium and potassium are the two minerals your body loses most during drinking, and replacing them helps your cells actually hold onto the water you’re taking in. Magnesium matters too, especially if you notice muscle cramps or jitteriness.
Eat Something Substantial
Food won’t sober you up, but it slows the rate at which any remaining alcohol in your stomach reaches your bloodstream. When you eat, a valve at the bottom of your stomach closes during digestion, keeping alcohol from passing into your small intestine where it absorbs fastest. Protein and fat are your best options because they digest slowly. Eggs, cheese, bread with peanut butter, avocado, or a handful of nuts all work well. Complex carbs like toast or sweet potatoes are easy on the stomach and give your body fuel to work with.
If you feel too nauseous to eat a full meal, even a few crackers or a banana can help. Bananas have the added benefit of being rich in potassium, which you’ve been flushing out all night.
Coffee Won’t Sober You Up
This is one of the most persistent myths about drinking. Caffeine does not reduce alcohol’s effects on your body in any measurable way. What it does is make you feel more alert, which can trick you into thinking you’re less impaired than you actually are. The CDC is clear on this point: mixing caffeine with alcohol doesn’t change your blood alcohol level, your coordination, or your judgment. You’re just a more awake version of drunk, which can actually be more dangerous because you’re more likely to overestimate your ability to drive or make good decisions. Skip the coffee for now and stick with water.
Don’t Take Certain Pain Relievers
If you’re already feeling a headache coming on, be careful about what you reach for. Acetaminophen (Tylenol) and alcohol both rely on the same protective molecule in your liver to neutralize their toxic byproducts. Drinking depletes that molecule, and adding acetaminophen on top can overwhelm your liver. This combination accounts for nearly half of acute liver failure cases in North America. If you drink regularly or heavily, daily doses above 2,000 mg become especially risky.
Anti-inflammatory painkillers like ibuprofen are generally considered less dangerous alongside alcohol, but they’re harder on your stomach and kidneys. If you already have gastrointestinal issues, they can cause bleeding ulcers. Your safest bet is to wait until the alcohol is out of your system before taking anything.
How to Sleep Safely
Falling asleep while very drunk carries a real risk: vomiting while unconscious. Without a functioning gag reflex (which alcohol suppresses), you can choke or inhale vomit into your lungs. This is how alcohol kills people who “just went to sleep.”
If you’re putting yourself to bed, lie on your side, not your back. If you’re looking after someone else who’s drunk, put them in the recovery position:
- Extend the arm nearest you out at a right angle with their palm facing up.
- Fold their other arm so the back of their hand rests against the cheek closest to you. Hold it there.
- Bend their far knee to a right angle, then use it to gently roll them toward you onto their side.
- Tilt their head back slightly and lift their chin to keep their airway open.
Stay with them. Check on them. Do not leave a very intoxicated person alone to “sleep it off.”
Signs That Need Emergency Help
There’s a line between being drunk and being in a medical emergency, and it’s important to know where it is. Alcohol overdose can be fatal, and a person who has passed out from drinking can die. Call 911 if you or someone with you shows any of these signs:
- Breathing slows to fewer than 8 breaths per minute
- Gaps of 10 seconds or more between breaths
- Inability to wake up or stay conscious
- Seizures
- Vomiting while unconscious
- Bluish or very pale skin, especially around the lips or fingertips
- Clammy skin or extremely low body temperature
You don’t need to see all of these symptoms to call for help. Even one or two is enough. Don’t wait it out.
What Affects How Drunk You Feel
Alcohol hits everyone differently, and it hits the same person differently on different nights. Your body weight and sex both play a role, but so do less obvious factors. Fatigue and stress increase impairment, so the same number of drinks hits harder after a bad day or a short night of sleep. How much you ate matters enormously. Food in your stomach physically blocks alcohol from reaching your small intestine, where most absorption happens. Drinking on an empty stomach is essentially giving alcohol a fast lane into your bloodstream.
Setting Yourself Up for Tomorrow
What you do tonight directly affects how miserable tomorrow will be. Before you fall asleep, drink another glass of water and eat something if you can keep food down. Place water next to your bed so you can sip when you wake up during the night.
The type of alcohol you drank also matters for tomorrow. Dark liquors like bourbon, brandy, cognac, and red wine contain high levels of chemical byproducts called congeners that form during fermentation. Your body breaks one of these, methanol, into formaldehyde and formic acid, both of which make hangovers worse. Clear drinks like vodka, gin, white wine, and light beer contain far fewer of these compounds. If you were mixing dark liquors tonight, expect a rougher morning.
When you wake up, continue hydrating with water or electrolyte drinks. Eat when your stomach allows it, prioritizing gentle foods with protein. And remember the math: if you stopped drinking at midnight after six drinks, your body likely won’t finish processing the alcohol until around 6 a.m. You may still be technically impaired when your alarm goes off.