People with psychopathic traits don’t have a single “type” they’re drawn to, but research reveals two distinct patterns. They tend to pair up with people who share similar traits, and they’re skilled at identifying and targeting people who display signs of vulnerability. Perhaps surprisingly, the popular idea that psychopaths and deeply empathetic people are magnetically drawn to each other doesn’t hold up under scientific scrutiny. The reality is more nuanced.
Like Attracts Like
The strongest finding in the research is that people with psychopathic traits tend to end up with partners who also score high on those same traits. This pattern, called assortative mating, appears to be something that happens from the very start of a relationship rather than developing over time. A 2017 study found that couples showed similarity in traits like manipulation, callousness, and impulsivity from the beginning of their relationships, not because they grew more alike as years passed.
This is especially pronounced in women with psychopathic traits. Women who score high on the emotional and manipulative dimensions of psychopathy prefer similar partners for long-term relationships. Women who score high on the impulsive, reactive side prefer similar partners for both short-term and long-term relationships. In other words, psychopathic individuals often find each other genuinely attractive.
There’s a practical reason this happens. People high in psychopathic and related traits (narcissism, Machiavellianism) tend to be rated lower in overall mate value by others. They end up pairing with partners who are similarly rated, not necessarily because they chose those partners deliberately, but because higher-rated partners were less available to them. They may be settling for partners who aren’t their ideal but who resemble themselves.
The Vulnerability Detection Skill
One of the more unsettling findings in this area involves how accurately people with psychopathic traits can spot vulnerability in others. In one study, participants with higher psychopathy scores had near-perfect recall (90%) of sad, unsuccessful female characters, compared to 68% recall among those with low psychopathy scores. This suggests an unconscious attunement to people who are struggling or emotionally exposed.
This ability extends to real-world observation. Research has found a significant correlation between a person’s body language and their history of being victimized, and people with higher psychopathy scores were more accurate at identifying those past victims. The implication is striking: certain individuals can read subtle physical cues, like posture or gait, that signal someone has been hurt before. Ted Bundy once claimed “you can tell a victim by the tilt of her head as she walks,” and the research partially supports this chilling assertion.
Case studies consistently show that psychopathic individuals target people they can exploit for resources, whether financial, social, or emotional. Some clinical reports document psychopathic offenders gaining the trust and even romantic commitment of clinical staff members, people trained to recognize manipulation. The pattern typically involves building trust and favor before any exploitation begins, making it difficult to detect in the early stages.
The Empathy Myth
A widely circulated idea suggests that highly empathetic people and psychopathic individuals are naturally drawn to one another, like opposite poles of a magnet. A study published in Personal Relationships tested this directly in a real dating context and found it isn’t true. People with psychopathic or narcissistic traits showed no special preference for kind, trusting partners. And empathetic people didn’t seek out manipulative ones.
What does happen is subtler. People who score high on “light” personality traits (trust, compassion, a tendency to see the good in others) are simply less likely to reject people that most others would avoid. They aren’t choosing difficult partners. They’re failing to screen them out. As researcher Julia Kesenheimer explained, “a general tendency to see the good in people, while often positive, may also reduce selectivity in romantic contexts.” The difference between actively seeking and passively accepting is critical, because it means the vulnerability isn’t about attraction at all. It’s about a lower threshold for rejection.
How the Relationship Typically Unfolds
When someone with strong psychopathic traits does enter a relationship with a less guarded partner, research has mapped a remarkably consistent four-phase cycle. In a qualitative study by Galende and Puertas, every participant described experiencing these same stages.
The first phase is intense idealization sometimes called love bombing. The person with psychopathic traits presents as a perfect partner, often using what they’ve learned about the other person to craft a persona that matches their deepest emotional needs. The relationship feels extraordinary, and a strong bond forms fast. This phase is so convincing that people describe feeling they’ve met their soulmate.
Once the emotional attachment is solid, the relationship shifts into devaluation. The psychopathic partner begins demanding more attention while simultaneously cutting the other person off from friends and family. Manipulation tactics emerge: alternating between warmth and coldness to keep the partner off balance, making them question their own perceptions, using silence as punishment, and introducing jealousy by bringing third parties into the dynamic. These strategies erode the partner’s confidence and independence gradually enough that they’re hard to recognize in the moment.
The third phase is an abrupt discard. The psychopathic partner ends the relationship with little warning, typically after the other person is emotionally drained and no longer providing the reactions or resources the psychopath wants. They often already have a new relationship lined up, re-entering the idealization phase with someone else. The discarded partner is left confused and sometimes financially devastated.
A final phase sometimes follows, where the psychopathic individual attempts to pull the former partner back in, often right when that person is beginning to recover. If successful, the entire cycle restarts.
Why Early Detection Is Difficult
People with psychopathic traits are not universally rejected in dating contexts. Research shows that psychopathy and narcissism did not predict higher rejection rates among general pools of daters. These individuals tend to be socially skilled, charming, and outwardly successful. They create disproportionately high levels of conflict in intimate relationships, but that conflict is largely invisible during the early stages of dating.
This social competence is part of what makes the vulnerability detection so effective. Someone who reads people well and presents a polished exterior can identify a trusting person, mirror their desires, and build a convincing connection before any red flags appear. The people most at risk aren’t those with a specific personality flaw. They’re people whose natural trust and openness make them slower to pull away when something feels slightly off.