Enjoying pain sounds like a contradiction, but the brain doesn’t keep pain and pleasure in separate boxes.1Nature Reviews Neuroscience. A common neurobiology for pain and pleasure Under the right conditions, the same sensation that warns of harm can feel rewarding. That’s why masochism runs from the bedroom to the chili sauce and the sad playlist, and it has less to do with damage than with safety and control.
Why Pain Can Feel Good When You Feel Safe
Many people enjoy negative bodily feelings when they know they are actually safe, a kind of pleasure at mind winning over body.2Judgment and Decision Making. Glad to be sad, and other examples of benign masochism The body sounds an alarm while the mind knows there is no real danger, and that gap can feel exciting. A roller coaster is the classic case: the body is terrified while the rider trusts the harness. Take away the safety or the choice and the same sensation turns unpleasant or frightening.
For many people, the preferred level of a painful or unpleasant experience sits just below what they could not bear.3Judgment and Decision Making. Glad to be sad, and other examples of benign masochism A pepper that is a bit too hot is thrilling, while one far beyond your limit is just misery. People usually find their edge by building up gradually, trying a little more each time and noticing when enjoyment turns to dread.
How pain feels depends on the setting, the person’s emotional state, whether they chose it, and whom they are with.4Taylor & Francis Online / PubMed Central. Physical Pain as Pleasure: A Theoretical Perspective Sexual arousal and memories can change how a painful sensation is felt too.5Taylor & Francis Online / PubMed Central. Physical Pain as Pleasure: A Theoretical Perspective So the same slap can feel like an insult in one moment and pleasurable in another. The sensation hasn’t changed, only its meaning. People who enjoy pain often say it only works on good days, with the right person and in the right frame of mind.
Control is a big part of this. Being able to stop the sensation at any time keeps it from becoming a real threat, which is why people in kink set limits and stop words in advance. Pain forced on someone is simply harm.
What Happens in the Brain and Body
Pain and pleasure are handled by heavily overlapping brain circuits and chemistry.6Nature Reviews Neuroscience. A common neurobiology for pain and pleasure The body’s own opioids and the reward chemical dopamine help control both.7PubMed. A common neurobiology for pain and pleasure So a strong painful signal can also switch on reward systems.
Researchers have measured some of this during kink play. In a small study, people on the receiving end of BDSM play had higher levels of cortisol, a stress hormone, afterward.8PubMed. Between Pleasure and Pain: A Pilot Study on the Biological Mechanisms Associated With BDSM Interactions in Dominants and Submissives They also had higher levels of endocannabinoids, the body’s own feel-good chemicals that resemble those in cannabis.9PubMed. Between Pleasure and Pain: A Pilot Study on the Biological Mechanisms Associated With BDSM Interactions in Dominants and Submissives Dominant partners showed the endocannabinoid rise only when the play involved power exchange.10PubMed. Between Pleasure and Pain: A Pilot Study on the Biological Mechanisms Associated With BDSM Interactions in Dominants and Submissives A review concludes that kink play engages both the stress system and the pleasure and reward system.11PubMed. The Biology of BDSM: A Systematic Review
Cortisol suggests the body treats the experience as a challenge, and the reward chemicals make that challenge feel good. Thrill rides and scary movies work through a similar mix. The same feel-good chemicals rise after moderate exercise in most studies.12PubMed Central. Do Endocannabinoids Cause the Runner’s High? Evidence and Open Questions Afterward the body typically settles back down, and the calm that follows can be part of what people enjoy.
Intense sensation in play can also bring trance-like, deeply focused states. People compare them to the absorbed calm of meditation, and some in kink communities call it a floaty headspace.
These findings have limits. The hormone studies were small, early research. Brain chemistry explains how pain can feel good, not why one person wants it and another doesn’t, and psychology and context still matter as much as chemistry.
Everyday Masochism Is Surprisingly Common
Enjoying the burn of chili, a pounding heart, a painful massage or a gross joke are common forms of benign masochism, meaning enjoyment of safe, chosen discomfort.13PubMed. Common, nonsexual masochistic preferences are positively associated with antisocial personality traits You might notice it when you pick the hottest sauce on the menu, replay a song that makes you cry, or choose horror films or ice baths for fun.
People often come to like sauna bathing, marathon running and parachuting even though the first experiences are unpleasant.14American Psychologist. The Opponent-Process Theory of Acquired Motivation The body’s after-reaction to an unpleasant experience can be pleasant, and with repetition that after-glow can grow stronger.15American Psychologist. The Opponent-Process Theory of Acquired Motivation Over time many push toward stronger heat, longer runs or hotter peppers. That contrast between the hard part and the relief can feel better than staying comfortable the whole time.
Disgust and fear are unpleasant feelings, yet people seek them out when they know nothing real is at stake. A horror film lets your heart race and your stomach tighten while you sit on a sofa, so the body reacts and the mind stays in charge. A gross joke works similarly: the flash of revulsion is real, but the safe setting turns it into laughter.
Sad music is often enjoyed partly because it leaves listeners feeling moved.16PubMed Central. The Pleasure Evoked By Sad Music Is Mediated by Feelings of Being Moved Tragic stories stir compassion, which feels good, while freeing the audience from any duty to help.17PubMed Central. On the Enjoyment of Sad Music: Pleasurable Compassion Theory and the Role of Trait Empathy That’s why fictional sorrow is usually easier to enjoy than real tragedy.18PubMed Central. On the Enjoyment of Sad Music: Pleasurable Compassion Theory and the Role of Trait Empathy
Escape, Release and Coping
Masochism may offer a way to escape constant awareness of one’s identity, worries and responsibilities.19Journal of Sex Research. Masochism as escape from self Pain, being tied up and humiliation pull attention into the present moment and the body.20Journal of Sex Research. Masochism as escape from self A strong sensation is hard to ignore, so it pushes aside the running commentary of worries, plans and self-criticism. Constant decisions and responsibility wear people down, and handing control to a trusted partner removes that burden for a while.
Pain can also help with bad feelings. Given the choice, people will use mild physical pain to cope with negative emotions, alongside distraction or rethinking the situation.21PubMed. Hurts so good: Pain as an emotion regulation strategy In those experiments, mild pain worked about as well as the other coping methods.22PubMed. Hurts so good: Pain as an emotion regulation strategy People chose it when they felt bad, which suggests it can feel like a useful option and not only something to avoid. The pain used was mild and chosen, which is very different from pain that is severe or out of someone’s control.
People who practise BDSM report pleasure, fun, variety, emotional release, personal growth and stronger relationships.23The Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality. Perks, problems, and the people who play: A qualitative exploration of dominant and submissive BDSM roles They also describe freedom from day-to-day roles and a sense of being themselves.24The Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality. Perks, problems, and the people who play: A qualitative exploration of dominant and submissive BDSM roles
This differs from self-harm. Self-harm usually follows overwhelming distress and leaves shame afterward, while consensual play involves anticipation beforehand and connection afterward. If pain is a private way to escape unbearable feelings, talk to a professional.
Is Masochism a Sign Something Is Wrong
BDSM practitioners were less anxious, more outgoing, more open, more conscientious and happier than people who don’t practise it.25PubMed. Psychological characteristics of BDSM practitioners They were somewhat less agreeable, which covers traits like deference, politeness and going along with others.26PubMed. Psychological characteristics of BDSM practitioners A lower score means someone is more willing to push back or disagree. It doesn’t mean unkind or cruel, and it can go with being direct and independent.
A later study found the same pattern, plus more secure attachment in relationships.27PubMed. Not Twisted, Just Kinky: Replication and Structural Invariance of Attachment, Personality, and Well-Being Among BDSM Practitioners These findings counter the stereotype that kink comes from being damaged. In one study, dominants scored a little more favourably than submissives, but both groups still matched or beat people who don’t practise kink. Role choice reflects preference, not health.
Older clinical writing studied people who sought treatment, which made kink look like a symptom, while those who were content never showed up. Comparing practitioners with people who don’t practise kink gives a fairer picture, and that’s where the healthy results come from.
People who enjoy everyday discomfort tend, on average, to score a little higher on mild sadism and callousness.28PubMed. Common, nonsexual masochistic preferences are positively associated with antisocial personality traits They also tend to be bolder, more unconventional and more thrill-seeking.29PubMed. Common, nonsexual masochistic preferences are positively associated with antisocial personality traits The link is modest and describes averages, not individuals, so many chili lovers are perfectly kind. Thrill-seeking and low fear likely explain part of it, and liking intense sensations for yourself can go with being less put off by others’ discomfort.
Does Trauma Play a Role
Childhood sexual abuse is linked to more involvement in BDSM, especially submissive roles.30PubMed Central. Childhood Sexual Abuse, Adult Attachment Styles, and Involvement in BDSM Practices in Adult Intimate Relationships It is also linked to anxious and fearful relationship styles in adulthood.31PubMed Central. Childhood Sexual Abuse, Adult Attachment Styles, and Involvement in BDSM Practices in Adult Intimate Relationships Abused men leaned more toward sadistic preferences and abused women toward masochistic ones.32Sexologies. Childhood abuse and sadomasochism: New insights
A link on average does not mean any one person’s kink comes from trauma. Many people with no history of abuse practise kink, and many people who were abused do not. Temperament, curiosity, culture and chance experiences also shape sexual tastes, so no single cause explains them.
Both findings can be true at once. Most practitioners show healthy, secure profiles, while a trauma-linked subgroup may use play differently. If kink stirs up painful memories, a kink-aware therapist can help.
There’s an older, separate idea too. Freud thought an inner harsh judge drives self-punishment, which shows up as moral masochism, the need to suffer in order to feel deserving. It’s a theory about guilt, distinct from enjoying sensation.
When Masochism Becomes a Disorder
Most people with masochistic interests do not have a disorder.33MSD Manual Professional Edition. Sexual Masochism Disorder – Psychiatry The diagnosis, sexual masochism disorder, needs significant distress or harm to daily life.34MSD Manual Professional Edition. Sexual Masochism Disorder – Psychiatry Someone who feels no anxiety, guilt or shame and isn’t held back has a masochistic interest, not a disorder.35National Coalition for Sexual Freedom. DSM Revisions
The diagnosis is built around the person’s experience and life, not the specific activity, so two people with identical tastes can fall in different categories. Clinicians look for whether the urges cause real suffering or interfere with work, relationships or safety. Society’s disapproval alone doesn’t make something a disorder, so being judged for a taste is different from being troubled by it.
Many people with kinky interests feel ashamed because they have absorbed stigma, even though nothing about their behaviour is harming them. That shame is real and worth taking seriously, but it often eases with accurate information, supportive communities or a kink-aware counsellor. It differs from distress that comes from urges you can’t control or from behaviour that keeps causing injury. Some signs are worth talking to someone about: urges that feel out of control, injuries or risks beyond what you agreed to, shame that won’t lift, or kink crowding out work and relationships.
For doing it safely, agree on limits and a stop word beforehand. Choose partners you trust and who respect a no, and check in with each other afterward.
Pain That Brings People Together
The more pain people felt during an extreme festival ritual, the more they gave to the temple afterward.36Journal of Cognition and Culture. Extreme Rituals as Social Technologies Shared pain seems to bind groups together.37Journal of Cognition and Culture. Extreme Rituals as Social Technologies Pain is also hard to fake, so enduring it signals real commitment, and others may trust you more because of it.
Ritual participants who endured the most piercings rated their psychological health about 30% higher than those with only one or two.38SAPIENS. How Rituals of Pain Help Heal People who were ill or excluded before the ritual tended to choose the more extreme versions.39SAPIENS. How Rituals of Pain Help Heal That hints that the ritual offers something they feel they lack, such as a place in a group and a sense of meaning or purpose.
Milder versions turn up in ordinary life. Teams bond through brutal training, friends grow close after a hard hike, and couples in kink describe deep closeness after play.